Perry & Jordan quotes

These are some quotes from the TV Shows that inclused both of them or one of them.

Dr. Cox: Okay, I made you breakfast, the kitchen's as clean as a whistle, I'm gonna drop Jack off at daycare on the way to work, is there anything else I can do for you?
Jordan: I need you to go to the video store and get me anything with Viggo Somethingsen. I need white chocolate, strawberry seltzer, peppercorn brie and a polaroid of the tomato plant that I planted last spring, because I'm worried it may have snails. Oh, and if you see that neighbor Lena from down the hall I want you to roll your eyes and say the word "slut", under your breath, but loud enough so she can hear, and don't forget to be home by 6:30 because you gotta give Jack his bath before you make my dinner!
Dr. Cox: But, when will I have time to kill myself?
Jordan: Well thats not my problem!
Jordan: Welcome home Perry. Here's the new program: You occasionally lift a finger helping with Jack, and I'm gonna try and keep from hating the unborn baby in my belly that's made my ass so big I can't fit the whole thing on a toilet when I pee eight hundred times a day.
Jack: Daddy, what's that?
Dr. Cox:That is the vagina of a 35 year old latina woman.
Carla: Now Dr. Cox needs our help getting through this. Jordan can watch him in the morning and at night, but she's got Jack, plus... she's not that emotionally available.
Jordan: [smiling] I'm dead inside!
Jordan: You know, one of the reasons I divorced Perry was because of his last name.
Elliot: You don't like Cox?
Jordan: Actually, I love Cox.
Todd: [walks up, knocks on table] Greatest conversation ever.
Jordan: See, that's the problem.
Todd: [Overhears: "This sausage is huge!"] Excuse me ladies, I'm needed elsewhere.
Dr. Kelso: Okay, listen up, everyone. For budgetary reasons, we are turning the bathrooms on even-numbered floors into patients rooms. To sum up, floors two and four are no longer for one or two. Actually, there's still a bathroom on two, but then my joke wouldn't've worked.
Carla: And...?
Dr. Cox: I'm sorry, would you repeat the question?
Carla: Are you just gonna roll over like that?
Jordan: That's weird. I asked him the same last night.
Carla: Where's the outrage, the anger, the heat?
Jordan: Again! Last night!
Carla: You've gone soft.
Jordan: Okay, now it's just spooky!
Jordan: I'm having second thoughts about our giant nanny. She's lovely and all, but every time the fridge is empty, she looks at our son like he's a plate of ribs.
Dr. Cox: Well, you shoulda let me hire the really skinny model. At least if she ate Jack, she'd throw him up right after.
Jordan: I'm going home. [turns to leave]
Dr. Cox: No, no you're not.
Jordan: Bye-bye!
Dr. Cox: Jordan, your water just broke.
Jordan: (stops) This kid's annoying me already.
Dr. Cox: Ah, I'm sorry... Crazy person says what?
Jordan: What?!
Dr. Cox: Atta girl
Dr. Cox: You know, Jordan, I have to tell you -- despite how crazy-hormonal you are, there is something about a pregnant woman that's almost spiritual.
Jordan: Really?
Dr. Cox: Honestly you--
Jordan: Mm-hmm.
Dr. Cox: --you have never looked so beautiful.
Jordan: It's the giant boobs, isn't it.
Dr. Cox: Well, have you seen them lately?
J.D.: I've seen bigger. (To Nurse Roberts) Not on you. Although, Kudos! Nurse Roberts:Mm-hmm!
Jordan: I didn't do it for you, Perry, I only did it because the thought of you rotting here in this hospital is better than tipping the valet with your alimony check.
Dr. Cox: Look at me and Jordan. Y'know how we hate everyone? Well, that goes double for children. It's true. They're loud, you can't understand them... They're like tiny cab drivers.
Jordan: I'm having second thoughts about our giant nanny. She's lovely and all, but every time the fridge is empty, she looks at our son like he's a plate of ribs.
Dr. Cox: Well, you shoulda let me hire the really skinny model. At least if she ate Jack, she'd throw him up right after.
Dr. Cox: [internal monologue] MUST...RUB...SOMETHING... IN...SOMEONE`S...FACE [He notices a patient in a coma.] How`s that coma for ya buddy? [internal monologue] Ahh, Much better.
Dr.Cox:[outside of J.D's apartment] You open up this door with in the next three seconds or I will start huffing and puffing
J.D.: Your ex-wife. She's the answer.
Dr. Cox: Uhhh... Things that ruined my life. Things that took half my money. Things with sharp edges